Between

Spent my first day in my community medicine rotation in a lovely place called Aplaya, which literally means shore. As in beach! Although  was stuck with a buddy who has a tendency to be more than slightly annoying, I loved it.

Truth is, I'd like to take this time in the community for a little introspection. This is what I want to do for the next two years: hole up somewhere nobody knows me, be a community doctor, maybe effect a little change, get to know people and hopefully have a plan for the rest of my life. So, I'd like to keep my mind open, and savor the smells, sounds and sights, get into a little trouble and maybe, just maybe, figure some things out.

Trouble is, I can't really do that when my group *hates* the community rotation with a passion. I mean, I also don't like being in what seems to be a God-forsaken place with no running water and I do also hate being around clingy-needy patients sometimes but... it's the community! What did you guys expect? Hotels? Seriously.

So, I really am torn here, and hence, can't really do much introspection. I want to enjoy being in the community. I want to dive in, eyes closed, and savor every moment of it. But I also don't want my group mates to think I enjoy it too much, because they might hate me for it. And when your med group mates hate you... well, let's just say that there only a few things worse than that.

I know that I just have to be myself and let the world worry about the consequences but I can't help but repress my excitement when I' around people who want to kill themselves at the sound of the words "community" and "work".

This thing here's always been a problem for me. I mean I love my life in Manila, I love my friends, I love the comforts and the progress. I love technology and what it offers. But the end of each clinic day always makes me feel like I should be doing more for my patients, like I should be where I am needed most, which is the community.

Bottom line is, I know what I want, or at least I have some idea of what I want to do. I just don't know how to prepare myself and the people I love for it. So meantime, I'll just be sitting here, in between.

Long-gan

Manong fruit vendor came today. Odd. I only see him during holidays when he brings in crates of apples and oranges to complete the traditional 12 round fruits on the 12 days of Christmas to complete 12 years of happiness for the coming year. Or something like that. As I approached, he said, "Sorry ma'am wala po akong long-gan ngayon." He said he remembered that last December my family were his best long-gan customers, saying "Kayo nga lang po ang pumapakyaw sa long-gan ko noon". Apparently, my favorite fruit in the world has but a few fans.

I love fruits with a passion. I could probably survive on just fruits all day. Fruits are expensive in Manila (where I live for most days of the week) so whenever I'm at home in Marikina I try to amass as many fruits from our counters as I can. I can down a kilo of grapes in 30 minutes and still be game for more. Give me a fruit and I will eat it. And my favorite fruit is the long-gan or longan.

Here is what it looks like (grabbed from wikipedia):

According to Wikipedia, the word longan literally translates to "dragon eye". It is named so because when the fruit is shelled, it looks like an eyeball (photo from thailanfruitsandfood.blogspot.com):

Not a very appetizing notion, I know. But when you taste it, you'll understand why it's such a favorite in a number of Asian cuisines (Thai, Vietnamese, etc). It's sweet but not overpowering. The flesh is soft, not tough and very, very juicy. It's not sticky at all and it's very easy to eat, just crack open the soft skin with your thumb and forefinger and peel the soft gooey flesh from the seed using your teeth, yum!

I like the long-gan because it is easy to shell, unlike the lanzones or the rambutan, which sometimes take some effort. There's also only one fruit/seed per shell, unlike the lanzones (Don't you ever feel like you've been eating one lanzones for eternity?). I like too because it is uniquely Asian. It doesn't grow elsewhere and doesn't come in cans, unlike the lychee. I also like it, I must admit, because not many people know about it or eat it. I like the exclusivity  of it; I like that for most of my friends, the fruit I love most is an enigma. I like the mystery. Whenever I eat it, I feel like I'm in a secret club. 

But, the most important reason why the long-gan is my favorite fruit is because I only get to eat it when I'm at home, during the holidays. It's like my "Christmas fruit", like how castanas or apples are for other people. I can't remember a Christmas when we haven't had long-gan on the table. It was long-gan my father and I would eat while watching re-runs of the year's best movies on Chritsmas mornings. Long-gan is what we would eat while belting it out at the videoke machine. When long-gans are in season, I know that Christmas is just around the corner, together with all the warm and fuzzy feelings that season brings. 

So when Manong fruit vendor was ready to leave,  I told him "Manong, basta next time dalhan mo ako ng long-gan ha, lalo na sa Pasko." He told me "Sigurado yun ma'am, 'di ko makakalimutan."

I'll hold you to it Manong, I'll hold you to it. 

the first word

There was a time in my life when I was pretty sure I was going to be- I wanted to be- a writer. An accelerated medical degree and eleven years after, here I am trying to fulfill that dream. Stephen King said "When asked how I write, I invariably answer, 'one word at a time." Borrowing from one of the smartest writers I've ever come to read, here I am, trying, one word at a time.