Between

Spent my first day in my community medicine rotation in a lovely place called Aplaya, which literally means shore. As in beach! Although  was stuck with a buddy who has a tendency to be more than slightly annoying, I loved it.

Truth is, I'd like to take this time in the community for a little introspection. This is what I want to do for the next two years: hole up somewhere nobody knows me, be a community doctor, maybe effect a little change, get to know people and hopefully have a plan for the rest of my life. So, I'd like to keep my mind open, and savor the smells, sounds and sights, get into a little trouble and maybe, just maybe, figure some things out.

Trouble is, I can't really do that when my group *hates* the community rotation with a passion. I mean, I also don't like being in what seems to be a God-forsaken place with no running water and I do also hate being around clingy-needy patients sometimes but... it's the community! What did you guys expect? Hotels? Seriously.

So, I really am torn here, and hence, can't really do much introspection. I want to enjoy being in the community. I want to dive in, eyes closed, and savor every moment of it. But I also don't want my group mates to think I enjoy it too much, because they might hate me for it. And when your med group mates hate you... well, let's just say that there only a few things worse than that.

I know that I just have to be myself and let the world worry about the consequences but I can't help but repress my excitement when I' around people who want to kill themselves at the sound of the words "community" and "work".

This thing here's always been a problem for me. I mean I love my life in Manila, I love my friends, I love the comforts and the progress. I love technology and what it offers. But the end of each clinic day always makes me feel like I should be doing more for my patients, like I should be where I am needed most, which is the community.

Bottom line is, I know what I want, or at least I have some idea of what I want to do. I just don't know how to prepare myself and the people I love for it. So meantime, I'll just be sitting here, in between.